The Father, The Son, and The Holy Customer

Do I look like a bank teller? Do they wear orange aprons and work at hardware franchises? No, I don't know why your checks or credit/debit cards get denied. Look at my screen. It says denied. It doesn't tell me why. Maybe it's their way of telling you to not spend so much damn money on a bath faucet. Speaking of screens, my screen is a cash register. It may be a computer monitor, but it's a register. I don't have your drivers license on file. Why? Because it's illegal. And it's not a damn computer. I take your money, I give you back money, I can tell you what time it is, and whether we have an item in the store. That's it. I am your cashier. I am not a manager. If my register can't do something, it can't do something. Telling me to get a manager, is not going to work. Also, why do you assume that I don't know what I'm talking about? Oh wait, that's right *slams hand against chest in 'der-dee-der' fashion* I'm justa cashier! Obviously, the 7 plus years I've worked in retail have taught me nothing. I'm lowly. I have a low paying job. I'm not even lower middle class because I'm middle lower class. How could I have forgotten. Only people who get salaries have brains. Oh but wait... my manager doesn't know what he's doing either? After doing it for 37 years? How peculiar. You know what? It must be the name tags. That's the ticket! Anyone who wears a name tag is an idiot. They don't know how the real world works, they don't know how important the person standing in front of them really is. They don't see that because this person in front of them spends money in their establishment, that makes this person god-like. I get it now. Keep the help stupid, and everybody's happy. All that matter's is making this god-like entity happy. Thank you America, for making this the standard of society. This is the future. The future where anyone under the age of 30 doesn't know a damn thing about anything, and treating them like a leper is customary, and even encouraged. And anyone who's older than 30, but not a manager yet, is even worse, because obviously they have no ambition. Think of it! A future where you can walk through the doors of any establishment, from a hair salon to a hotel, or even a hardware store, and be immediately treated like royalty! Who care's if what you ask is damaging to the economy, or even physically impossible! It shall be done! This lowly retail worker has been enlightened. Now, I can go to work with a smile on my face, knowing that I'm being paid barely livable wages to enable the worst kind of behavior imaginable... I'm sorry, that's not right. I meant to say that I'm being paid more than I'm worth to make others happy... Just think how terrible it would be if someone decided to say that dreaded "n" word... those horrible two little letters... Can you imagine? Someone taking a stand like that? Telling people that just because they spend money in an establishment doesn't give them the right to act like spoiled toddlers? Perish the thought! Gives me chills, just thinking of looking an irate customer in the face and saying 'Your behavior is unacceptable. Get out.'... I could never!!!

Something to Consider About Nothing.

   "In the beginning there was Light. In the beginning there was the Word.In the beginning there was the Voice. In the beginning there was the Voice using the Word to bring Light into existence by uttering the word Light into the Void. Thus, out of the void came the Light and from it everything else.But if something can be made out of nothing then something and nothing are made out of the same material, so to speak. If something can be created out of nothing by the sheer utterance of sound that gives meaning to it, then the only difference between something and nothing is in the naming, By calling nothing something, nothing becomes something, but the truth remains that nothing really changes in the great scheme of things. The physical constitution of nothing/something, if it can even be called that, remains the same.
   That means that heaven = hell = purgatory = void = return to god. Eternal life = death forever. Mahatma Gandhi = Adolf Hitler. Al-Qaeda = UNICEF. Good and bad are indistinguishable. 0 = 1 = 2 = 3 =...= forever.
   Nothing is everything because there isn't anything.
   Now, the sad thing is that some pieces of this nothing thought themselves up, imagined themselves up, then thought up and imagined and created this thing called reality.
   These little nothings got very caught up in all this reality they invented, and made it very complex and cynical, so much so that it made them forget that they were really, in essence, still nothing. It made them stupid. It made them real.
   We are the descendants of these stupid, real people who forgot they were nothing. So we go on epic journeys, from nothing to nothing, we start in nothing and end up in nothing, we never leave nothing, but we perpetuate our delusions. On some level, we know that we're nothing but we're too scared to think about that. The whole time we're making this journey from nothing to nothing, we sense, we hope, that there is someone, something out there, a third presence that follows us, watches over us, narrates us, dreams us into being, and we hope that this being means something, is something.
   What is this something we hope is out there?

1) Fill in the blank

    The third presence is_________?

a]God

b]The Narrator

c]Ismet

d]Mustafa

e]What?

f]Me

g]You

h]Who gives a shit?

i]Something

j]Nothing

k]All of the above

l]None of the above

m]All/none of the above

{I you answered m- All/none of the above, you are on your way to becoming nothing.}"

-Ismet Prcic, 'Shards'

On Jealousy and What It's Become

Before I even start, I would like to make EXPLICITLY clear, that this is an opinion... What I have noticed in my near insignificant existence on this Earth. Only my interpretation of the facts laid out before me.
Moving on...
I have had many people ask me why I never get jealous with my partners. I never mind when they check out strangers or talk to ex's or hang out with overly amorous friends. My answer to this question is simple. I trust them. If I didn't trust them, we wouldn't be together. The counterargument to this seems to be 'Well, I trust my lover, it's those other bitches I worry about.'
I don't understand this. Third parties involved, have absolutely nothing to do with the fact that YOUR PARTNER IS THE ONE THAT AGREES OR DISAGREES TO ACCEPT THEIR ADVANCES. Apologies for the type-shouting, but I need to emphasize my point. Say I have a boyfriend, but I'm still on good terms with an ex. One day I go out for coffee with this ex, because we're friends and I haven't seen him in a while. Many would agree with my boyfriend for being jealous, particularly if my ex is known for being... 'Always Overly Amorous' let's say. To me, this boyfriends feelings of jealousy (which is defined as: resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another's success or advantage itself) come across as nothing more than uncalled for mistrust. Ok, so this ex of mine is a bit slutty. He may even still hold feelings for me. But I am the one to say yes or no. I am the one responsible for maintaining monogamy in my current relationship. And should I commit an act of adultery, I am the one to held accountable. No. One. Else.
As such, I never understand when one woman tells another woman "Stop talkin to my man, bitch!"
If he's really 'yours' you don't have to resort to such tactics. Maybe I am completely misguided, but every circumstance I have ever encountered in this regard, the significant other being jealous has trust issues (that I have noticed anyway).
Jealousy as it used to be know, (Oh man I really want his car!) has it's place in the world, albeit a rather small one.
Jealousy as it's known now, (If that dude looks at my girl one more time I'm gonna cold-cock him.) is a completely useless emotion, and is in fact, another emotion entirely, who's place in this world may be even smaller that the original jealousies role.

Doldrums

I seem to be experiencing a dry spell. I find myself thinking about the same kind of thing I normally think about. None of it seems worth sharing though. I'm having a hard time deciding if this should be called "boring" or "low maintenance". I seem to be turning inward almost. I'm never one to be overtly 'outward', but it does seem to be the case that I'm even less so lately. Maybe something extravagant will happen in the next few days that I can reflect upon or vent about... though the latter one is much more likely the case.

Two Decades, Two Years, and a Day

Well, another year has gone by, and I find myself wondering when the 'grown up epiphany' is going to come around. When I was a wee tot, I remember looking at the 20-somethings in my life and wondering, I wonder what that feels like, the be so aware of the world... And now that I'm here, I realize I was quite deluded, or at the very least, 20-somethings in the 90's knew more about the world than 20-somethings in the current century. The more I ponder, I also realize that 'knowledge' is kind of subjective. I've been told that I 'have my shit together' more than anyone my age... and yet, I don't think I would agree with that. Granted, I will openly admit that I don't really associate with my generation because they are absolutely clueless [generalization], but I wouldn't venture that I'm all that awesome... When I look at my mother, my grandparents, the previous generations, they seem to have such an amazing sense of the world... and I'm jealous. Perhaps it comes with parenting? Or maybe I just need to wait another 20 years. Oh well. For now, I'm perfectly content gliding along, almost completely oblivious.

A Third Post About Nothing in Particular

Have any of you attempted to write? I'm not talking about essays and such. I mean, simply for the joy of seeing your thoughts and creativity manifested in solid form, writing... Well I have. Multiple times. And may I just say, writing a book is hard. Millions of ideas for wonderful stories float in my head constantly... but they are very shallow ideas. They often lack the subplots and twists necessary to hook a readers attention, and when I attempt to elaborate on these, my idea withers away.
Poetry, on the other hand, is cake. All you need is metaphor, perhaps a catchy rhythm, some subtle (or not so subtle) word play... All you need to make poetry is a feeling and a desire to express it. With books, you need drive. You need a desire to make history. To change history. To predict the future. To act as a tour guide to distant lands nobody has ever heard of. To use one sense to engage all the others. To not just express your emotion, but to draw out the emotions of anyone who reads your words.
Maybe I'm just built for comfort... but all that takes a lot of energy. The next time you read a book, tap into the emotional road map of every character that crosses the page, then imagine how much more it must have taken to develop these emotions in the first place. I'm not trying to say that writing is some treacherous journey that should be avoided, but I do think the profession is being seen in a smaller spotlight, so to speak, and I don't think that's very wise. "Anyone can write a book" I've heard this many times... and it's true. My point is that most won't, because it's time consuming, and stressful, and in my experience, it requires you to know yourself.
One day, I hope to be a published author. I want to engage people all over the world with my words and stories. However, I intend on doing it like J.K. Rowling or Anne Rice or J.R.R. Tolkien and not Stephenie Meyer. I intend of being absolutely exhausted after I finish a book, because it is going to take every ounce of emotion, every single creative thought, and every bit of concentration I have.


At this point I'd like to point out that I don't think Meyer is a terrible writer, just a lazy one. Her storyline is very... predictable, and I agree with some of the observations made by others on the web, that her books seem to feed on the emotions of the readers instead of engage them... Her books of sparkly vampires are indeed emotional vampires themselves. Again, I point out, this is not necessarily a bad thing. She has made millions from it. I'm just not fond of this method or writing.

Oh Hell, Thy Name is Humanity.

The more and more I sit and think about what to do with this space, the more tempted I am to make it a rant site. I am continuously bombarded with idiocy I can't fathom, and some of it is quite literally unbelievable. Maybe, if I start contributing to the vast amounts of ranters out there about how stupid humanity can be, maybe... just maybe... they will wake up? I'm certainly not going to hold my breath. At this point, if I outright spat in someones face about what kind of image they were presenting of themselves, they would probably accuse me of being a bigot. But it is what it is. For now, I shall continue my silent awe of the amazing people I experience on a day-to-day basis, and I know everyone who has ever worked in a service related industry understands my feelings... Maybe I should run for presidency and make it mandatory that one's first job must ALWAYS be at least 5 years as a waiter or sales rep. Then I think it almost certain, we would be surrounded by a better class of person... But that's just me. I'm sure there would still be a handful of people to fuck that up.